Feeling excited and slightly guilty

I wasn't going to do a post today because... well, no reason. I just wasn't feeling brilliant.

BUT, one of the to-do's on my list today was take my big ol' box of clothes that has been sitting in our bedroom since the day we moved in (8 months ago!) over to Goodwill.

Let me rewind a little bit.

Anytime before Lane leaves for time away we ask each other what is something that we're most looking forward to about this next {enter time frame here} apart and something we're not excited about. For this 3 week stint. For 2 week trainings he used to have to do at Fort Campbell. For a weekend trip. And yes, even for deployments we would ask what is something good you anticipate and something that might not be so fun.

It might seem like a nerdy little exercise for any who are not external processors like myself, but it helps us (read: me) to process what's coming up, but also for us to acknowledge that we're going to miss each other like crazy but to recognize that life does go on without the other. I can't sit here pining away for him otherwise my days would be miserable and go so slowly, and he can't be moping around missing his wife otherwise he might not perform his job as well as he should. So we ask about sunshine/rainclouds aka highs/lows aka rose/thorns. I like it.

Anyway. The point of this post.

I couldn't admit this to Lane when we were talking, so it is still my little secret, but one of the main things that I was excited about doing while he's gone right now is going through his closet and getting rid of t-shirts that he has had for 10+ YEARS. Seriously. He's still wearing shirts he wore in high school. And he wears them with pride. Despite the faded colors. Despite the gaping holes. It kills me.

I've threatened to do this before but I never could just pull the trigger when he's been gone in the past.

Back to the Goodwill trip today.

I spent last night going through our closet one final time and added quite a few of his t-shirts. Don't feel too sorry for the boy. His t-shirt collection has now gone from 2,572 to 2,540. He has so many t-shirts. FROM HIGH SCHOOL. Any other husbands out there do this or just mine?

I was so excited pulling up to the Goodwill today. I felt lighter already. But then, when I put the bag containing his clothes in I felt this huge stab of guilt. It was done. I actually started laughing out loud at what I just did and probably looked pretty weird to anyone driving by. Crazy lady donating clothes again! Irreversible. I couldn't take them back; they had gone into the abyss of the huge clothing donation window.

Hmmm. I don't know if I'll tell him. Maybe I'll just let him figure it out on his own.

I do feel slightly guiltly.

But it was WORTH IT.