Reality Check

Hi, friends.

I'm writing today with a heavy heart... and I thought twice about writing. Blogs aren't supposed to be debbie downers, are they? They're supposed to be fun, funny, inspirational, right?

But then I realized that the whole idea of blogs is to share life with people. To get glimpses into others, and allow others into mine. That's what doing life together is all about, isn't it? Life is a beautiful, wonderful thing but there are times when your heart aches within that beauty.

I think that most of you guys know our story, but basically the military is our history. L and I spent the first five years of our marriage building it within the framework of deployments and goodbyes as L served with a unit stationed out of Fort Benning, GA. Last fall, he got out of Active Duty and transitioned into the National Guard which allowed him to pursue his dream job with a Christian organization that works with high school students.

It has been a beautiful 7 months of transition, but a difficult 7 months of transition at the same time. I'm not sure that either of us ever fully dealt with the magnitude of the career switch that we were making. We love this new life, but it can be exhausting. I think we do miss the military and that community. I think that both of us had been on 'survival mode' for so long that the thawing process has taken some time, and that has been happening in conjunction with a cross-country move, new jobs for both of us, new friends, new life, new identities. New everything. I think that both of us are feeling a little burnt out right now, a little out of sync, and already are carrying heavy hearts.

Anyway, all of that to say, I don't want this post to be about me. It's just a bit of a background into the state of my heart when we got the news we did a few days ago.

The unit that Lane served with is deployed right now (which is just surreal to me... all of his buddies are overseas right now... he would have been with them right now had he not gotten out...).

They lost a great guy this last weekend. His name was Sergeant Jimmy Patton. I honestly didn't know him super well, but had been around him enough for this to still break my heart. My husband was friends with him. My dear friend's husband was his workout partner. He was married and had a little baby girl.

What do you do with that? Ugh. Sometimes it all seems like too much.

I believe in our military. I love our military families and my sweet military friends that we have served alongside with. The selflessness that goes into it is incredible.

I grieve for his family. For his buddies that are still overseas that continue doing their missions against the enemy despite being broken themselves. I ache at the knowledge that this just isn't the way things were supposed to be.

And I remind myself that we are asked to enter into these broken places, these hurting and dark places, and bring whatever slivers of light and life we can to it. This world hurts. But there is hope.

And I think that right now that is all I can cling to- hope within the heartache.