The rhythm is gonna get you

I heard someone recently mention the phrase 'the rhythm of life.' It was during an evening meeting that L and I were having with some close adult (I know I'm an adult, but they're really adults!) friends as we were explaining the state of our hearts as of late; overcommitments, feelings of being burnt out, not connected to each other, etc.

One of the women, a wise wise woman, mentioned that phrase and it has been brewing in my mind this whole week. She said that the rhythm of life that L and I had developed here was unsustainable. We were exhausted because in our attempts to carve out a life for ourselves here and to always create time for others here, something else had been lost.

Rather than having a melody, a rhythm that works together and moves with the ebbs and flows of our life, it had just become noise. We had lost the joy, the balance, the peace.

That is what has been simmering through my mind. I've been turning the words over, chewing on them, working them out.

It's so easy to just fill your life. To always say 'yes' to obligations, to always put others first before myself or my marriage, to do things for the sake of doing them. But that was a rhythm that wore me out, was unsustainable, and unrealistic.

And most times what fills our life isn't bad. It's even good, in fact. But there wasn't a balance within it. There wasn't a rhythm. L and I hadn't gotten time together (in the form of a date, significant conversations, etc) in a month. We both were neglecting ourselves and our relationships with God in order to spend time with others in helping to construct their own lives and faiths. We were addicted to our jobs, both of us work two. We weren't allowing ourselves grace, room to breathe, space to process the transition our life has gone through in these last 6 months.

We had lost sight of what is best. Of what is most precious. Things had been sacrificed without our even being aware of it. So it took us losing our rhythm of life to discover we wanted it back. It took us reaching boiling point, emotional exhaustion, to acknowledge that life was off kilter.

So I'm trying to rediscover my rhythm. To bring a pace, a balance, a beauty to my life that is restoring to me, life-giving to others, and loves my husband well. I'm trying to sift through what is worthwhile and what is simply noise. I'm trying to create space. To still give my life to others, but to give it to God and my husband more.

There is rhythm. There are ebbs and flows. There is beauty within it all... if we focus on not just 'getting through it', but living it and enjoying it.