Don't Stop Believin'

Raise your hand if you love Journey! My hand would definitely be raised if my arms weren't so sore from my latest P90x workout. Thanks a lot, Tony Horton.

I have four jobs. Four. Ish.

I sub in the local school district. I sub in a whole other separate school district. I write articles for a website. I am pursuing a book deal. Also, I design necklaces and am going to start selling them.

Is that weird? It's weird to me. On one hand, the lack of a full-time job makes me go insane and I miss it deeply. On the other hand, it has truly been a gift to have a schedule that I can determine. Most days. It has at least given me the freedom to be able to pursue this book dream thing of mine.

It has led me to be able to write, trash, and re-write articles for CincHouse before I send them off without worrying about a deadline for my 'real job' in the midst of it all. There is the flexibility to dream, to create, and to invest myself in this process.

However, as Lane and I were chatting before bed the other night he said "You don't really have a real job right now, do you?" He meant it as just a thought and nothing hurtful; just innocent Lane sticking his foot in his mouth once again. I was not happy.

I have a real job! Right? I at least get paid by the school district. And I'm paid for my CincHouse articles which makes me feel much more justified in spending hours at a coffee shop just writing. I know it's not a regular, 9-5, stressful, every day brick-and-mortar job which is what Lane meant. But I love it. And so continues my affair with my beloved laptop.

I should name him. Or her. What sex would a laptop be?

But right now being published feels like this far-off, unseen enemy. There are so many pit-stops on the journey for my manuscript to be denied and turned down that it can get intimidating and make me not even want to try. First you have to get an agent to like it. Then the agent tries to sell it to an editor. Then the editor pitches it to the publishing firm who has to be convinced that they'll actually make money on it. Then, let's say it does get published; the ultimate test comes when the public decides if they love it or not, whether they'll buy it or not. It makes me want to say: "Okay, I'm satisfied with just writing articles. I'll stop there." That way, I never have to experience rejection. That's comfortable.

True, it's a risk. But maybe, just maybe, this will all pay off and one day I'll be able to hand you a signed copy of my latest release. Maybe not. But maybe.