Monday, February 15, 2010

No Longer Newleyweds

I love love. I love all things cheesy, high school romances, movies about high school romances, seeing couples that have been married for 50 years still getting giddy at the thought of their spouse, and cheering at the end of a story where the guy gets the girl even though you know he’s going to end up getting her the whole time. I love love.

I have been with Lane for 8 years now and married for 5, and although that’s just a drop in the bucket of how many years some marriages have logged, I still feel like it’s a significant amount of time- you know, we’re past the ‘newlywed’ stage. We have a legitimate, long marriage. It makes me feel old. Not really. But sort of.

Lane and I just got to celebrate what became a weekend-long Valentine’s Day. It was three days full of festivities. And by festivities, I mean eating lots of Mexican food. And listening to jazz music while sipping wine. And watching the Olympics. And eating lots of Mexican food. Plus margaritas.

Anyway, through the weekend we were talking about how we feel like our love and marriage is stronger than it was when we first were married. How does that happen? You get married and think that is the pinnacle, but nope. It gets better. And we were trying to figure out exactly how that happened, and this is what we came up with:

  • We know that love is a choice. You don’t just fall ‘in’ and ‘out’ of love with a person and then decide to get divorced. We know that daily we choose to love the other and will for the rest of our lives. It’s an intentional awareness and an intentional effort.
  • We laugh together. A lot. Over things significant and over things stupid, but we laugh.
  • We constantly evaluate the state of our relationship. Not in a legalistic kind of way, but in a way that wants to take the temperature to make sure that it is always functioning at its maximum potential. If something/someone is ‘off’ we discuss why and figure out ways to fix whatever hurt/miscommunication/funkiness that might cause that off-ness.
  • We remember our journey. We spent a good 45 minutes yesterday remembering the past 9 Valentine’s Days that we’ve spent together and what we did for each one. We’re constantly retelling stories and laughing about experiences/trips/memories that we’ve had together. We remember, and we talk about it.
  • We have common ground. We love many of the same activities, and those loves that we don’t share we indulge the other (most of the time)
  • Most importantly, our faith is what has sealed us together. We would not have made it up to this point if there wasn’t something greater than ourselves that was giving us a model of love, a purpose, and a joy within it.

Those can be enough sappy thoughts on love for now. But, it’s already the day after Valentine’s Day, so I’m losing my window on when it’s allowed!

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