Abide

Things I am good at:

* Planning

* Dreaming

* Organizing

Things I am not good at:

* Letting things be out of my control

* Trusting

* Waiting

I am soo not good at waiting. Zero patience for this girl.

I have a lot of dreams for my life right now. My eyes have been opened up into this whole new world that I so desire to be a part of, and I have been doing everything in my power to enter into it.

And I have... little... by... little. That's what writing for CinCHouse is about. And probably trying to write for more things like that. I love writing. It nourishes me.

So there's this book... that I wrote... and it has my heart and soul behind it. And I deeply believe in it and so badly want it to be published.

And that is what this Spring entailed for me- querying agents, sending in proposals, sample chapters, outlines, and one-sentence-summaries.

Mostly I get rejected. Which is fine. It's part of the business. All of the great authors have "I got rejected 30 times before my book became an international bestseller!" stories. Maybe that will be my fate too? Probably not. But maybe?

However, in early May I got my first non-rejection! They were so interested that this agent (who was my dream agent BTW) asked to see the full manuscript. Which was a big deal in my brain and dream world. Then Lane and I went off to Costa Rica and Every Single Day I thought about that agent reading my book and what she thought. The Second that I could check e-mail, I most certainly did, and.... there it was. The non-rejection had become a rejection. She gave me the whole "we loved your work, gave it great consideration in full-staff meetings, and while I do believe that it is a worthwhile and significant project I don't ultimately feel we are the ones to represent your work"... or something like that. Not like I've memorized that e-mail or anything.

So I was super bummed. BUT- I knew that I had prayed like crazy over this whole process and entrusted it to God when I sent my manuscript off to her over e-mail. So, she just wasn't the one. I'm okay with that. I trust Him.

Then. The Very Next Day, this other agent I had contacted like, 2 months ago, e-mailed to ask for my full manuscript. Seriously? Excitement mixed with hesitation. Excitement. Hesitation again. Maybe some doubt. Wonder.

And he still has it and I haven't heard back. So I'm still querying my little heart away trying to get in touch with other agents out there who just maybe possibly could believe in this as much as I do and see a place for it in our world.

In the meantime I try to sit back and be patient. Believe that there is a plan for me and that this desire and dream won't be wasted. And not chart this process out on my own schedule with a month-by-month checklist of when my Life Plan will come to fruition.

I'm trying to learn the meaning of Abide. Dwell. Just trust, let things happen, and sit on the promises I have been given. Hasn't the rest of my life all pointed to the fact that God really does have my best in mind and things ALWAYS work out better than I ever could have planned them, even if there was some heartache involved in the mix?

There is a Plan. I'm trying to trust that. Believe it, and cling to it.